Walk into various schools (or homes) and we hear a lot of shouting happening in the name of disciplining children.
A very important question to ask ourselves is, "Does shouting work?"
Shouting works temporarily. Period.
It gets us our desired response instantaneously. It puts a stop to misbehaviour at that moment, only for it to resurface after a while! So, the adult shouts on a regular basis and the child's undesirable behaviour sees a rise and a drop, like a never ending wave. Have you ever wondered why that is so? Have you ever heard parents or teachers expressing that despite being shouted at, some children don't change? That some children are adamant, haughty, cannot be corrected etc and nothing works with them. Why is that so?
Could it be that the fault lies completely with the child?
Or could there be just a possibility that the adults are not getting something right?
While it is true that it can be challenging for adults to understand or work with certain children, it is not difficult once we change our approach and beliefs.And shouting is certainly not the ideal approach while dealing with any child :)
A very important question to ask ourselves is, "Does shouting work?"
Shouting works temporarily. Period.
It gets us our desired response instantaneously. It puts a stop to misbehaviour at that moment, only for it to resurface after a while! So, the adult shouts on a regular basis and the child's undesirable behaviour sees a rise and a drop, like a never ending wave. Have you ever wondered why that is so? Have you ever heard parents or teachers expressing that despite being shouted at, some children don't change? That some children are adamant, haughty, cannot be corrected etc and nothing works with them. Why is that so?
Could it be that the fault lies completely with the child?
Or could there be just a possibility that the adults are not getting something right?
While it is true that it can be challenging for adults to understand or work with certain children, it is not difficult once we change our approach and beliefs.And shouting is certainly not the ideal approach while dealing with any child :)
Its True ,That shouting is not good thing, but it also work in contradict way , if you stay calm and child take it for granted .
ReplyDeleteor if you should , then also child can take it for granted .
Fact is that children's cant think in generalize terms like time , place & society, its very difficult for parents to match with their irrational thinking in Today's fast running world, So whats a midway to this ? How to deal with the same.?
Tejsag,
ReplyDeleteNot shouting does not mean that children can take you for granted. You can always be firm with the child, yet calm and in control of yourself.
The world may be fast running, but we need to keep in mind that children have no clue about that and cannot understand such concepts. That is why they need boundaries (Read more on my post titled http://haripriya-wondersofearlychildhood.blogspot.com/2011/11/do-you-set-boundaries-for-your-child.html).
When they have boundaries, they know what to expect. This coupled with an attitude that is firm as well as kind will help children understand that you are in control and that you know what you are doing.
Hey Haripriya,
ReplyDeleteJust bumped on your blog thru parentree.Your blog is too good with lot of information. I am a parent 2 and half year old kid. Yes, I do know shouting at children is not good. But you know at times we don't have control on emotions as you said and loose temper. Particularly to discipline them, I start shouting on his behaviour. I just don't want to continue this behaviour of mine. Please suggest me how to be firm and kind on some occassions.
Thanks,
Banupriya
Hi Banupriya,
ReplyDeleteHappy to know you found the blog informative. Thank you.
Let's take an instance wherein the child has the habit of hitting friends or siblings. In this situation, you can be firm by making up a rule that says "We don't hit others". This rule is something the child needs to get familiar with. So, the first step would be to make him aware of this rule.
So, the next time he hits, remind him of the rule "We don't hit others". Have a soft but firm tone of voice when you say this. Once the child gets used to this rule and begins viewing it as a part of his life, the behaviour should gradually stop. So, by making it clear about the kind of behaviour that is expected, you are being firm, but by not shouting or belittling the child, you are being kind. By being kind, you show respect to the child and when you show respect, the child automatically respects you. When he respects you, you stand a greater chance of him understanding your rules and following them.
You may be tempted to shout but do try your best to keep calm. It gets easier with practice! Hope that helped. Do feel free to write back if you have any further questions.