Children and Unconditional Love

 This post id dedicated to all the  little children out there.

 

 

 http://aananda-joyofhealing.blogspot.in/2013/11/children-and-unconditional-love.html


Happy children's day dear angels on earth!

LIFE LESSONS TO LEARN FROM CHILDREN-Emotional Expression

Most young children have no difficulty expressing what they feel at any given moment.

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When they are happy, they skip, dance, run and scream in joy!

When they are sad, they cry and cry and cry till there are no more tears left to shed.

When they are upset, frustrated or want your attention, they throw tantrums.

They are very frank in their expression of different emotions. However, not all children retain this ability to express their emotions. As they move closer to adulthood, many of them lose this ability.

Why is that so?

Remember an instance from your childhood when you were really troubled by something.

Maybe you fell sick and could not go to a friend's birthday party. How did you feel?  Probably disappointed?

Maybe your younger sister got away with some mischief on grounds of being young while you were reprimanded for the same? How did you feel? Angry?

Maybe you were told by your teacher that you are dumb and you felt sad and cried about the same. How did it feel?

Under such circumstances, maybe you were frank enough to express all that you felt- in your own way. But you were not understood. You were also ridiculed for feeling in certain ways.

Maybe you were told, "Only bad children feel this way? Are you good or bad?" And then you suppressed your emotions for fear of being labelled bad.

Or maybe you were told, " Only babies feel this way. Are you a baby or a big boy/girl?" And then you suppressed your emotions for fear of being labelled a 'baby'.

So, now you see how most of us lose our ability to express our emotions.

We were always afraid of expressing our emotions for that would make us seem inadequate. In order to be accepted by people and look 'GOOD' in their eyes, we learnt to put on a mask. And as an adult, it is so difficult to remove this mask and throw it away for good- unless one makes a conscious effort over a period of time.

As children many of us were not guided on how to express our emotions in a healthy manner and that made us throw tantrums and behave in unacceptable ways at times.

Think about it. Is there anything wrong with expressing what we feel? We are human beings after all and that means it is perfectly normal for us to have emotions. Expressing our emotions does not mean throwing tantrums or behaving in unacceptable ways. Children do the same because most of them are not taught how to express emotions in a healthy manner. They were born with the ability to express emotions naturally but lost it somewhere along the way.

And this is the case with most of us today.

Can we regain this ability?
Can we express our emotions without feeling bad about it?
Can we be like children-natural and spontaneous in our expression of emotions?

Yes, we can. It takes a bit of conscious effort and practice. But it is certainly possible.

Observe children! See how they express. Learn from them.
We don't have to throw child-like tantrums but we can certainly learn to express emotions as spontaneously as children do!

LIFE LESSONS to Learn from Children- Living in the Moment

Observe a young child involved in different activities- such as playing with friends, dancing, talking, playing in the sand, or just walking up and down. Observe to what level the child is involved in the activity. 

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Let us take one example of a child busy playing with friends, As the child plays, do you think he is worried about his upcoming lunch or about whether he is going to be successful in life once he grows up? Is he sulking about the friend who hurt him one year ago or worrying about what the teacher thought of him when he did not know a spelling? 

The answer to all of these is a big fat NO!

Most children have no problem living completely in the present moment. They have no difficulty immersing themselves in the present, with no regrets about the past or worries about the future. When they feel an emotion, they are equally at ease expressing what they feel at that very instant. Very rarely do they carry the burdens of each day on to the next. 

It is almost like they come alive with fresh energy each day and live their life all over again. It is like they are given a blank slate to write the story of their life anew every single day. 

Now compare this to the state most of us adults live in. As we wake up, we are worried about whether we will make it to work on time. At work, we think about how the child is doing at school or what we need to cook for dinner that night, After work, we are tense about the next day's meeting or about whether the boss would criticise our project report. Once home. we worry about the fact that the child did not eat his lunch and how he is ever going to be healthy if he does not eat.To top it all, we also tend to think of all the people who hurt us in the past and the possibilities of being hurt again in the future.  We tend to live in the past or the future most if the time. And usually, it is some kind of a worry or an anxiety that consumes us. . 

What would happen if we could make a conscious effort to catch ourselves when we are drifting into the past or the future and gently bring ourselves back to the present moment? What if we could just live in the moment and live it fully? 

Life would feel fresh and vibrant to us too. Just as it does to young children.

Living in the moment does not mean not learning from a past experience nor does it mean not planning for the future. Those are practical aspects of life that must be dealt with on an ongoing basis. It only means keeping our mind in the present, thinking of what needs to be done today and doing that, enjoying what is on our plate at the moment and feeling gratitude for the same. This shift in attitude would make our lives more joyful and meaningful. All we ever have to think about is only what this moment presents. And then we begin to enjoy life so much more just as children do!

Think about it. No matter how much you reflect on the past and all its glories or problems, it is never going to come back. And the future? Well, we are not there yet. And there is no way to know for sure about how life will turn out to be in the future. No amount of worrying is going to change a thing. So, it makes more sense to be optimistic about the future and think about it only when really necessary for practical purposes.  

What about this moment? Do you have this moment?  Are you alive? If you are reading this, you most certainly are! So, seize the moment and make the most of it! The past is gone forever. The future will take care of itself. Drop all worries and anxieties and live this minute. 

Enjoy this moment!

Live like the child.....

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The High Energy of Children-The Lower Energy of Adults

Children are full of energy and enthusiasm. They seem to have this energy naturally. They retain it almost effortlessly up to a certain age, depending on each individual child. Once the same child grows up and becomes an adult, what happens to his energy? His enthusiasm for life? Where is the skip in his walk? The glitter in his eye? The zest for life? The appreciation for the small blessings of life? The patience to stare at a butterfly for extended lengths of time? Or play in the sand without ever feeling tired?

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As adults, many of us lose that energy and enthusiasm for life that came to us so naturally when we were children. We almost drag ourselves around, taking life a tad too seriously. We feel we have important work to do and there is no time to play around as children do.

As adults, we also develop a serious view that sees a child's life as just that- a child's life. We make a huge distinction between the world of adults and the world of children. We sincerely believe that the life of a child is not meant for an adult who has grown up and has more important things to accomplish than stop to stare at a fluttering butterfly with colourful wings.

However, if you analyse carefully, you will begin to see that the natural qualities of children would be very helpful to us as adults. That is, if only we could posses them.  If only we are willing to acquire all over again what came naturally to us as children. They can help us deal with life more effectively. They can ease many of the burdens we carry. They can help us live one day at a time and make the most of our experiences. They can bless us with a renewed sense of appreciation for the world we live in and everything beyond. They can help us establish a connection with our own selves and rediscover ourselves. When we are able to see the world through the eyes of a child, our lives become more meaningful.We feel a sense of joy and wonder. We develop more enthusiasm. We learn to love unconditionally.And the list can go and on...

Here, I present a new series, "LIFE LESSONS to Learn from Children". This series will explore the various positive qualities that are naturally present in young children and how we as adults can learn to build a meaningful life by observing these qualities in children and train ourselves to reacquire them.

The first post in the series will be out shortly. Until then, keep observing children and see if you can find what is nice about their approach to life!

Christmas:Hidden Gifts of Learning For Children!

The cheery festival of Christmas holds universal appeal. We can almost sense the love, joy and good will permeating the world. It gives us an opportunity to spend time with near and dear ones, cook and eat together, decorate our homes, exchange presents and revel in the spirit of the season.

Does it also have something in store for children? (Apart from the presents!)

Yes it does!

It  presents a wonderful opportunity for children to experience all that the season has to offer. However, this is possible only if we, as adults, can create an environment that would inspire them to participate and thereby experience all the good things the season has to offer. And it is only when they experience for themselves the joys of the season, that they would feel the desire to share the same with others, probably once they are a little older.

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Listed below are some ways that would make this possible.

• Be open about your enthusiasm for the festival and tell your child how excited you are about the upcoming celebrations. 
• Make a list of all that you wish to do for the festival and let your child know about the same. 
• Ask your child if he or she would like to do something to celebrate Christmas. 
• Be prepared beforehand about the options you would like to give her to contribute to the celebrations.  
• Decide if you both would like to work together or if you would like her to plan her own Christmas celebration. 
• Some options for the child would include- decorating a Christmas tree, making greetings for friends and family, calling her friends over to see her tree, planning a menu for the day when her friends visit, and hosting her friends when they visit. 
• You can give her some exclusive space in your home. The child can decorate that space with her Christmas tree, art work or anything else that she has made for the celebration. 
• Last but not the least, remember to involve her in anything that she shows interest in. For example, if you are cooking a special meal and she shows interest in the same, encourage her participation to whatever extent possible. The best way for children to experience the spirit of festivals is by being an integral part of them, rather than just watching all that is being performed by the adults around them. 

Involve your child, encourage her participation and allow her to experience the flavour of this merry season! For it is only when we experience the joy of something ourselves that we feel inspired to share the same with the world!

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Comparing Children: Does It Help Them Become Better?

Your neighbour's child can count to 100 effortlessly. Your child is struggling to count even up to 50. No matter how many times you get him to practise, he always ends up forgetting the sequence. How do you feel?

Your sister's child has started reading. Your child is still confused with some of the letters and will take some more time to begin reading. What would you do?

On Sports Day at school, your child's best friend wins several prizes while your child gets none. What will you say to him?

Have you ever found yourself trapped in such situations? How do you feel when you think that your child is lagging behind when compared to other children his age?

Disappointed?
Worried about his future?
Anxious that he might never improve?
Guilty that you might not be paying enough attention to his growth and development? 

What do you do when you feel any of these emotions?

Do you let your child know about how disappointed you feel?
Do you tell him that he needs to work harder?
Do you in any way, directly or indirectly, convey to him that his worth is dependent on him winning all those prizes or rattling off those numbers?

And to top it all, do you also feel guilty at a later point that you probably hurt your child's feelings by telling him all that you did?

If that is the case, fret not. There is a better way to handle these issues.

Just do the following exercise.

• Make a list of your child's strengths. The list should include all the things that he is already good at, not  just related to academics but also to other areas such as emotional development, mental makeup and social behaviour. Also include any other innate traits of the child that you think are contributing to the development of his personality. You are likely to find many. 
• Make another list that includes all the areas that you think your child needs to work on, that is, areas of improvement. You are again likely to find many. 

Now use a bit of logic and you will realise that no matter which child on earth you take, it will be possible to make the same two lists with respect to him or her. That is, every child is good at some things and not so good at other things. Some children learn a few things faster, while others take time.The same is true for adults too. Not everyone is good at everything but there is always scope for improvement. Also, some people are naturally gifted in some areas and others are naturally gifted in other areas.

When this is the case, is it really necessary to compare children with one another?

Being able to count fluently does not make a child any more intelligent than others.
Winning the first prize in a race does not make a child any smarter than others.

This is not to say that those are not achievements. They most certainly are. However, they are not the appropriate parameters to be used to make comparisons or draw conclusions about a child's intelligence or worth.

Human beings are unlike machines. Each person is a mix of talents, traits, abilities and intelligences, mixed and mashed in varied proportions. Hence, it is almost impossible and also unfair to compare two children or even adults for that matter.

Whenever you feel disappointed or anxious that your child is not doing as well as you think  he should, go through the paper on which you listed out his strengths and work on-

• Making the child aware of his strengths.
• Encouraging him to develop his strengths.
• Letting him know that you are proud of his strengths.
• Getting him to feel good about his strengths. 
• Making him aware that his worth is dependent neither on his strengths nor on his weakness. He is a worthy child, in the exact package that he is. 

Do you know what happens when you do this? 

One thing is the child begins to work on his strengths and gets better and better at what he is already good at. For example, if he has a flair for writing and becomes aware of the same, he will feel encouraged to work on that and eventually excel in the same. 

The second point is that the child develops a healthy self esteem and self image, that is independent of what he thinks he can accomplish. The benefit of this is that it results in the child also being willing to work on areas that he needs to improve in. And  the best part is he works on improving without the extra baggage of feeling bad, unworthy, jealous or resentful. 

Don't you think that's a healthier way to live, grow and develop?

Comparing children makes them lose focus on their personality and strengths. As a result, many of them spend their energy feeling resentful, jealous and unworthy. They think they are not good enough until they can be like some other child. If they could spend the same energy feeling good about themselves, they would  soar to greater heights.

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If we can open our minds, we would see that every child is a bundle of talent seeds, that are waiting to sprout. However, those seeds will sprout only when they are planted in a garden that nurtures them with the essentials of encouragement, self worth and respectful love. 

It is in our hands to create that garden for our children. 

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The Quiet Child: Does He Need to Talk?

Quiet children face problems wherever they go.- at school, in the family, at social gatherings and everywhere else in the world. While many children are reprimanded for being very talkative, another group of children is constantly labelled 'quiet'. Often, being quiet is equated with being shy. And being shy is considered an undesirable trait by many adults. It is not uncommon to find an adult, usually a parent, pushing a quiet child to open up and talk more, often much against the child's wish.

Have you ever wondered why someone who is quiet must be forced to open his mouth? Especially when he is happy staying quiet?

Before we can answer that, we must first consider the fact that everybody is UNIQUE.
Some people talk more, some people talk less. Some people socialise more, some socialise less.
Some people are extroverts, some others are introverts. Some love the company of people, some others are happy in their own little world.

In short, the world has a mix of people who are as varied as the variety in the world itself.

Consider this-An apple has to look and taste like an apple. Only then would it do justice to the fact that it is an apple.
A deer has to be elegant and timid. Only then would it make sense for it be a deer.

Imagine a deer trying to acquire the traits of a lion or behaving like one. Would it succeed? Or in the unlikely event that it did, would it do justice to its own unique personality and purpose?

Imagine doing something to make an apple taste like a water melon? Would it serve any purpose?

An apple is meant to be an apple.
A deer is meant to be a deer.

Similarly, a human being is meant be a human being, with his or her own unique personality.

Now from this perspective, think if there is anything wrong with being quiet or even shy?
Considering the variety that exists in the world, can we allow people the freedom to be as they are?

Now, one might argue that a quiet or shy person cannot be as successful as a talkative or an outgoing one. But I am sure all of us have met enough and more quiet people who are as successful as anyone else and also quite a number of people who talk a lot but have not been successful.

Well, what does a quiet person do when talking becomes a necessity in life? One may argue that if someone is quiet by nature, they will not have the courage to speak when the need arises.

To this, we might say that an apple is an apple, but when the need arises, it can also be converted into an apple cake or apple juice. But its essential nature of being an apple remains the same.

Similarly, a quiet person will also talk when life demands it. Everyone is capable and will do what is necessary when the need arises. However, their essential nature is to stay quiet and that is perfectly fine.

When we respect quiet children for what they are, they grow in confidence and learn to love themselves. This causes them to build a positive self image. A person with a positive self image stands a greater chance of succeeding in life., irrespective of whether he is quiet or talkative.

So, the next time you feel like telling a quiet child to open up, stop yourself. Take a moment to appreciate the unique nature of this child and respect him for what he or she is. Trust that the child has the capability to talk and open up, when the need arises. Build a rapport and strengthen your relationship.

A quiet child is also a CAPABLE CHILD!



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Ocean Creatures: Poem for Children

This is a poem for young children. It is about the various aquatic beings. Feel free to add your own tune to it!

Look at the ocean,

It’s so blue and deep,

It is full of water,

And many creatures it keeps.

Fish of all colours,

Swim freely everywhere,

Golden, blue, orange and green,

And other colours rare.

There are elegant dolphins,

That pop out and show their fins,

And giant blue whales,

That leave watery trails.

Deep in the ocean dark,

There are sharks-big and small,

The whale shark and the dwarf shark,

Are but two of all.

The good old octopus,

With its four pairs of arms,

The very bony seahorse,

That swims with lots of charm.

Look at the ocean,

It’s so blue and deep,

It is full of water,

And many creatures it keeps.

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The Water Cycle

This is a short and simple write up on the water cycle which can be read out to children just like you would read out a story. Make you sure you modulate your voice and make it interesting for the child as you read.

Have you ever wondered how it rains?

How does water come down from the sky?

Do you know that the water that comes down from the sky was once here on earth?

In fact, it stays on earth for a while and then goes back to the sky. It comes down again when it rains and goes back up again. This goes on and on as a cycle. It is called the water cycle.

This is the story of the water cycle.

The sun shines and gives out heat.

The heat from the sun reaches the water that is present in all the ponds, lakes, rivers and oceans.

This heat causes the water to turn into water vapour or steam.

We cannot see this water vapour. It has no form or colour or smell.

The water vapour then rises up into the air

Once up there, it becomes cool and turns into droplets of water.

These droplets of water gather together and from the clouds that we see in the sky.

When a lot of water droplets are held together, the clouds become heavy. So, the air cannot hold them up in the sky any longer.

When this happens, it starts raining and the water in the clouds comes back to earth.

The rain water falls back into the ponds, lakes, rivers and oceans.

A pat of it also seeps into the earth and becomes ‘ground water’. This ground water is  used up by plants and animals.

The water that comes back to the ponds, lakes, rivers and oceans goes back to the sky again as water vapour and comes down in the form of rain.

This cycle goes on and on. The same water goes up and comes down all the time.

This is the water cycle. 

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The D-word and the Child

One of the words adults use most often with children is “Don’t”.

The D word

Don’t, don’t, don’t

Used with children often,

Help us it won’t.

Don’t sleep now.

Don’t eat that.

Don’t play now.

Don’t touch that.

Don’t bathe now.

Don’t take that.

The more we say “Don’t”,

The more the child won’t.

Won’t listen.

Won’t bother.

Won’t care.

And will dare,

To do the same,

Which you don’t

Want him to do.

Try and remember instances in your own life when someone kept telling you not to do something that you wanted to do. It must have been frustrating for sure. No doubt, there are circumstances when the D word must be used for valid reasons. But if it rolls off the tongue every few minutes, even when absolutely unnecessary, it can be quite exhausting for the person at the receiving end, who in this context is the child.

After a while, we realise that the more we say ‘Don’t’, the more the child ends up doing whatever it is we do not want him to do. Sometimes, saying ‘Don’t’ becomes a deeply ingrained habit in the adult that is difficult to shake off.

The next time you feel tempted to say ‘Don’t’ to a child, think about whether it is really necessary to say it or whether it is being said as a matter of habit. For instance, if you are at a restaurant and the child is meddling with the spoon that is kept on the table, is it really necessary to say, ‘Don’t’ touch that,”? He is probably just fascinated by the spoon and is exploring its features. Or when you are walking and the child stops to pick up a leaf that is on the ground, is it really necessary to take the leaf away and say, “Don’t touch. Put that down,”?

This practice may seem tiresome initially but the results that it will fetch would be well worth the effort. Sometimes, all it requires is a little patience to understand the child and why he does the things he does.

So, when you cut down on your usage of ‘Don’t’ and especially when unnecessary, it will have a greater impact when a situation demands that you say ‘Don’t’.

Then it is very likely that the child would listen too!

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Children and Colours: Match & Learn Fun

This is a wonderful activity to teach children about matching colours and to simultaneously reinforce the names of colours.

You can use old visiting cards for this activity. Alternately, you can use small pieces of cardboard that have been cut. 

1. Paint the plain sides of the visiting cards with different colours. 
2. Arrange the cards in one line on a table or a mat.
3. Place a few plain visiting cards, paint and paint brushes on the table.
4. Let your child paint one card at a time and match it with the ones arranged in a line. For instance, if she spots a red card first, let her independently pick up the red paint and paint a card red. If she spots a blue card next, let her paint a plain card blue and match it with the existing blue card. You can certainly help if the child is lost or requires your initial guidance, but allow her to do it independently after a while.
5. Ask her to name the colours as she paints and matches.
6. If the child is older and can write, let her also write the names of the colours on a sheet of paper as she paints and matches. If you want to experiment more, you can even encourage her to do something different like writing with the paint brush. For example, if the colour she has just matched is red, she can dip her brush in red paint and use the same to write “red” on the sheet. Many children would love doing that. Using fingers dipped in paint to write is another exciting option! Let the child choose.
7.  For a younger child, painting, matching and naming would be sufficient.

Tip for the Adult: You can expect some mess at the end of this activity. So, make sure the child as well as you have an apron on. Spread lots of newspapers and then commence the activity. Do not inhibit the child for fear that the child may get herself messy. Messes can always be cleared but the phase in which children would enjoy and learn from such activities will not last forever! So, make the most of it!


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Raising a Child:Food for Thought

Raising children or working with children on a regular basis can be a challenging task. Sometimes, one just feels lost and does not know what to do, what to say, what not to do or what not to say! Of course, all of us are human and have the right to make our share of mistakes. However, it helps to be aware of our thoughts, beliefs and behaviour with respect to children so we don't end up making mistakes all the time. This would help us lead a more peaceful life with them, bring happiness into the relationship and most importantly win their trust. Read on for a few thoughts we can keep in mind.

• Look for the good in the child. 
• Slow down. 
• Do not give constant instructions. 
• Do not panic or assume that the child is not intelligent. Every child is intelligent in his own way. 
• Take one step at a time. 
• Help him build on his strengths.
• Help him work on his weaknesses without being critical.
• Be firm yet kind. 
• Do not put unnecessary pressure on him. 
• Help him move towards independence in every respect.
• Appreciate every milestone he crosses. 
• Do not judge his capabilities based on his performance in exams. 
• NEVER insult him in front of others or even while alone. 
• Expose him to a variety of learning experiences during his growing years.
• Do not restrict his learning to academics alone.  
• Encourage his interests and talents. 
• Be consistent in your behaviour towards him. 
• Do not tell him things that are not true. 
• Do not instill unnecessary fears or "your personal fears" in him. 
• Say "sorry" when you have been wrong. 
• Be a friend.
• Smile more often. 
• Respect him and his views even if you do not agree with them. 

Relax and enjoy the phase of his childhood. It will be gone even before you know it!



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Being a “Montessori Inspired Parent”

If you wish to be a “Montessori Parent” you-

• Respect the child and view him as an equal citizen in an adult dominated world.
• Understand the child and the different stages of development that he passes through.
• Create an environment that gives him plenty of scope to build his personality by doing constructive work appropriate to his stage of development.
• Acknowledge his inner urge to do certain kinds of work and let him participate in day to day activities around your home such as cleaning, gardening, cooking and everything else that he is drawn to.
• Let him explore the environment and make meaningful discoveries.
• Let him make choices, thereby strengthening his will and moving him towards independence.
• Let him work uninterrupted for as long as he wishes to and do not stop him unless really called for.
• Give him freedom to be.
• Develop the ability to be firm as well as kind.
• Enjoy each stage of your child’s growth, complain less and observe more.

Dr Maria Montessori, who was the mind and soul behind the popular Montessori method of education followed world over today, spent a lifetime observing and working with children. Her work, research and conclusions have simplified life for us today.

The principles of child development laid down by Dr Montessori are not restricted to education alone. They can be applied successfully in our day to day interactions with children.

If you are inspired by these principles, you would have the benefit of raising your child the Montessori way and thereby get to witness some astounding miracles of child development. For a greater understanding and awareness of Dr Montessori's work, do read her books "The Secret of Childhood", "The Absorbent Mind" and many more too. 

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From the heart, to the child..

If you are expecting a child to be in your life soon, it helps to prepare yourself emotionally- to open your heart and to love. To start loving even before the child is physically present with you. This kick starts the bonding process and helps you look forward to the arrival of the child.

One of the ways to do so is by writing down whatever you feel about the child being a part of your life. Writing helps you express your deepest feelings and get into the groove of sharing your love and time with a new member. It could also help you address and release any fears you have about the changes in your life once the child is a part of it.

Words from the heart dedicated to a child

My child,

I know you are out there,

It’s just a matter of time before we meet.

I have not seen you yet,

Yet the love I feel for you is immense.

Pure and peaceful,

That is who you are.

You are coming into this world,

With trust and with love.

I promise I will do my best,

Especially during your early years,

And thereafter too.

Until you grow your wings,

And get ready to fly.

My child,

I know you are out there,

And also right here in my heart.

I can’t wait to meet you.

I love you from the depths of my soul. 
And respect your life, that is about to unfold. 


Love always...




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Loving an Adopted Child: Is it Possible?

Is it possible to love a child not born to you?

Is it possible to feel a sense of connection to a child who is not your own blood and who does not resemble you?

Is it possible to accept as your own a child who was born to someone else?

If you are considering adopting a child, you may be plagued by such doubts. Additionally, you might not have the whole hearted support of family and friends, who with their best intentions, tell you that bonding with an adopted child is not the same as bonding with a biological child.

Now if you are in the process of deciding to adopt a child or have already decided to adopt one, but feel apprehensive about the process, read on! You are probably not sure if your kin would welcome your child and accept her. You could also have a small nagging doubt about whether they are right in their apprehensions of adoption and wondering if you are heading for disaster.

Read on to know about some positive aspects of adopting a child and realise that you indeed could have taken the best decision of your life, even if things don’t appear that way at this moment.

• The first thing to remember is that any decision taken in life would have pros as well as cons. No decision in life comes with a tag saying your life will be awesome once you implement it. So, is the case with adopting a child. It would have its positives as well as challenges. But once a decision is taken, it is up to us to choose what we wish to focus on and build on the same. So, you either worry about all the things that could go wrong once you adopt a child or you focus on all the things that could go right. And when you focus more on the things that could go right, you end up doing the right things and things begin to work out for you!
• A child is a child is a child. Period. And when you become a parent, an adopted child is as much your child as one you would give birth to. It may be normal to wonder if that is really possible. But the fact is that bonding, with any living being- humans and even pet animals- happens over time. Having an open mind would allow you and the child to bond with ease.
• Adopting a child gives you an opportunity to be more than who you are. It gives you an opportunity to love without boundaries and distinctions. It helps you realise that love is not always about blood and more about bonding. If you have a biological child already, it helps you see how capable you are of loving two children, who have come to you in different ways, but are nevertheless yours. It gives you a whole new perspective to love and children and enriches your life.
• Imagine you were adopted as a child and you had a loving family. Would you feel good about being a part of your family and feeling loved? Or would you feel miserable that you have a loving family? Most people would obviously be happy to have loving families. Human beings naturally tend to gravitate towards love. Your child, when cared for with love, would grow up to enjoy having you as family and will become very much a part of it. So, any worries about the child losing his love for you once he finds out he was not born to you may be unwarranted. Yes, he might be curious about his history but that does not mean he would stop loving you. Remember, love grows and remains where it is nurtured.

Adopting a child is a huge decision. However, it does not have to be a painful decision taken in desperation.

When confused about whether it is a good decision or not, remember that it is certainly a good decision. You are adopting a child and becoming a parent. It is something to be proud of and celebrate!

All that is needed is a shift in thinking, preparedness to parent, openness to experience and willingness to love.

Look at the positive aspects of adoption and celebrate the process, with the confidence that you are equipped to handle any challenges you meet along the way!

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Being a Parent...

Being a parent, whether you are planning to become one or whether you already are one, is a challenging job. It is bound to have several ups and downs on the way. It helps to be aware of your role when it comes to parenting a child and especially a young child, who is dependent on you for most things.

• The adult chooses to bring a child into this world- A child does not pop into the world on her own. It is the adult who is responsible for bringing one into the world. Often, adults have children and  love them no doubt. However, at times they feel the child is a hindrance to their lives. Being a parent means being aware at all times that bringing a child into this world is a choice that is made. And when the adult happens to make that choice, he (or/and she) becomes a parent.
• The child is precious and entrusted in the adult's care- A child is a new life and is precious. A child is also dependent on the adults for her needs. Being a parent means the adult being aware that he would be responsible for the care, safety and comfort of a new life and taking as many positive steps as  he can towards the same.
• The adult's life will change completely once there is a child in it- The adult may have got used to a routine in the absence of a child. But having a child in her life would certainly change that predictable routine. She would have to set plenty of time aside for the child. It helps to be aware that this is also a phase that can be enjoyed as much as the phase when she had all the time in the world for herself. It needs a slight shift in perspective to look at this phase as an enjoyable one. It is after all going to last just a few years and after that the child will be an independent entity. So, one might as well enjoy this phase while it lasts.
• The child is entitled to a life all her own and the adult is responsible for giving her a solid foundation in the early years-  It helps to be aware that being a parent does not make the child a shadow of the parent. In other words, the child is a new being and will lead a life of her own one day. Keeping this in mind, giving the child a good foundation in her early years becomes the adult’s responsibility; a foundation that would help the child develop confidence in herself and a positive outlook towards life.
• The adult would have to spend a lot of physical as well as intellectual energies in order to aid the physical and intellectual development of the child- Being a parent means the adult being aware that he would have to use a lot of his physical energy in order to physically care for the child and intellectual energy to provide meaningful learning opportunities for the mental growth of the child (apart from what is learnt at school). A lot of learning and assimilation happen during the early years and it is the perfect time to sow the seeds of mental, intellectual and emotional development. This would require constant planning and preparation on the adult’s part to ensure that the child is exposed to the best that can be offered. 

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The Child and Walking

Has your child just taken his first step?

Are you all excited about his first step?

When young children start walking, it is a huge milestone for them.

They seem to feel as thrilled (or probably more) as adults feel when they learn new skills such as swimming, driving or dancing.

How is their thrill evident?

Just by this fact- once having learnt how to walk, they want to walk over and over again.

They fall down.

They get up.

They start walking again.

Many children also love walking up and down the stairs. Not once but countless times!

These activities related to walking can go on for hours on end and can cause the adult in whose care the child is to feel absolutely exhausted.

The adult does not have either the time or the patience to wait on a child who wants to walk without a break. The adult is usually focused on the next task at hand.

Often, the adult would rather just pick the child up and move on to the next task that he needs to do. But the child seems determined to walk. This in turn causes the adult to pick the child up forcefully and the child throws a tantrum.

Have you ever wondered why this is so? Or what you can do if you ever find yourself in this situation?

The first thing to understand is no one teaches the child to walk. So, the child is not walking to make life difficult for the adults or to show that he has learnt something. Rather, it is nature that drives the child towards walking. And the child walks and walks and walks. He never seems tired of it.

As adults, we would be able to appreciate this better when we understand that the child is doing exactly what he needs to do to develop himself at that stage of his life. Then we would sit back, relax and enjoy every step he takes, rather that fret about when he would stop walking so much and so often.

No doubt it requires patience and energy to keep pace with a child who wants to walk continuously. But think about it. It is after all once in a lifetime that you would witness this amazing phenomenon of a child learning to walk. Time will fly and after some years you just might be complaining that your grown up child refuses to walk even a couple of steps. So, why not enjoy this phase while it lasts?

Take time to witness every milestone of your child’s growth and cherish the early years for the wonders that they unfold.

Let us not carry the child who has just learnt to walk.

Let him walk.

Let us not complain about the child who goes up the stairway fifty times or more.

Let him climb up.

It is nature at play.

The child has the right to master his gift.

He says, “I can walk. Please do not lift.”

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Children and Making Choices

How often do you find yourself struggling to make a choice?

From simple everyday matters, like not knowing which dress to buy or which restaurant to eat at to more complex decisions related to your personal and professional lives.

How often do you rely on others to make choices for you or to approve of your choices, before you go ahead and implement them?

How often do you doubt your own choices and feel that you are not capable of making the right choices?

Well, no one makes right choices all the time. But the fear of not making the right choice must not stop us from going ahead and making a choice that seems best under any given circumstance.

This is exactly what happened to many of us when we were children. Often, the adults in our lives,well intentioned no doubt, did not trust us enough to let us make our own choices. We were thought of as young and inexperienced and thereby incapable of making choices. And many of us continue to feel the same way well into adulthood.

What if we were given the opportunity to make choices from a very young age? Right from what we liked to eat at a restaurant, to which dress we would want to wear to a party, to how much we would like to eat for lunch and what hobbies we would like to pursue. We would probably be better equipped to make bigger choices today.

Encourage children, yes even the very young ones, to make several choices that they are capable of making. Whenever there is scope for the child to make a choice, allow her to make it. This habit ingrained in the child from a young age, will build confidence in the self and the child would carry the same in her consciousness as she grows into an adult.

Trust the child.

Sounds difficult?

Start practising.

Remember how you felt as a child when you were not trusted by the adults around you? When you knew something was right for you at that moment but no one seemed to understand. That is exactly how the children in our lives feel right now when we make all their choices for them.

Trusting the child does not mean that she will make perfect choices all the time. It means giving her the freedom to choose, while ensuring her safety and well being at the same time. It also means being willing to accept the fact that some choices could be wrong. But then making wrong choices is also part of learning in life!

So, go ahead. Do not be afraid. Encourage children to make choices wherever possible and watch them blossom into confident young people, capable of making choices whenever life requires them to do so. 

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Children and Exploratory Learning

Imagine you land on a distant planet, which is going to be your home for the rest of your life. The planet is very different from earth and nothing on that planet resembles anything that you’ve seen on earth. The air smells different, the water looks peculiar, the food tastes unique, everything you touch has a different feel to it and the land looks like nothing you’ve ever seen on earth.

How would you make sense of everything around you?

You would go around, explore the planet, touch things to see how they feel, taste some things to see if they are edible, stop to look at all that is around you, try to understand the sounds in the environment and take in the various smells that you may encounter. As you explore this planet, you begin to make lots of discoveries.

One day, you encounter a bunch of aliens. Now, would you like these aliens to stop you from exploring their planet? Or would you rather that they permit you to explore and probably even encourage you to explore?  Of course, you would also hope that they would stop you when you are about to enter unsafe territory.

Now, come back to planet earth.

The child is the new entrant to this planet, this world that is completely alien to him, HE is the explorer and WE are the aliens. So, would the child rather have us stopping him at every step or would he prefer having the freedom to explore?

When very young children touch a stone, smell a flower, stop to watch a dog, listen intently to the sound of an aeroplane or try to taste things that are not even edible, they are NOT doing it to be naughty or to trouble you. That is their way of exploring the world around them. They understand the world by exploring it through their all their senses. That is why they are always on the move and cannot sit still in one place as mere spectators.

The urge to explore seems particularly strong at a tender age. That is why when adults try to stop them, they get a negative response from them. That is because the child does not want anyone interfering in his exploration. They are also labelled as hyper or stubborn by the adult community when they refuse to stop doing the things they are asked to. Once again, young children are not on the move to be stubborn or hyper. When you understand that this need to explore is part of their nature at that stage of development, you step back and learn to relax. You embrace their learning and their journey.

As adults, while we certainly are responsible for their safety (just as the aliens would be while we explore unsafe territory), let us not become so protective as to stop them at every step. When a young child wants to explore something in this world, let him have the freedom to do it, while we keep a gentle watch.  Let him experience the beauty of this fabulous world through sensory exploration!

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Children and Repetition of Activities

Have you ever seen little children sweeping the ground with tremendous interest and concentration?

Going up and down the stairs for no reason countless times?

Arranging blocks in a particular pattern over and over again?

Washing their hands twenty times or more, long after they are sparkling clean?

Repeating activities so many times that you end up wondering from where they draw their energy and what pleasure repetition of the same activity could give them?

This is a phenomenon that is observed universally among very young children and if you are associated with young children you will have witnessed this at some point.

What do we do when this happens? There are just two options.

Let the child do the activity for as long as he wants to and for as many times as he wants to.

Or

Stop him from doing it repeatedly.

What would prompt an adult to stop a child from repeating an activity? Probably he feels the child is wasting his time doing something that neither makes sense nor achieves a meaningful end result.  

But think about it. Does everything we do in life need an end result? Sometimes don’t we all do things just because we like doing them? In very young children, there seems to be an even greater force driving them to do things repeatedly, for no apparent reason.

As per Dr Maria Montessori (an Italian educator and doctor who is the genius behind the popular Montessori system of education that is followed world over today), it is nature that drives children to perform tasks over and over again. No one knows why this is so but this repetition of the activity seems to fulfil an innate developmental need in the children.  This is evident by the satisfaction one sees on a child’s face at the end of an activity that he has performed to his heart’s content.  

So, the next time a child is found repeating an activity that does not make sense to you and you feel like stopping him, pause for a moment to observe the child. Is he interested in the activity? Is he concentrating on the activity with all his might? Is it giving him a sense of satisfaction? If yes, let him have the freedom to repeat the activity to his heart’s content. Interest, concentration and a sense of satisfaction felt over and over again would also result in the development of confidence in the child. And if it is nature that is driving children to do certain activities over and over again, why should anyone stop them from doing it? Let nature run its course and the little child have his share of joyous moments, while we sit back to observe him in peace and learn to find joy in his joy!

Just as we do not like to be disturbed while doing something we thoroughly enjoy, let us not disturb children when they do the things they enjoy.  

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